Stress Doc's Tips for Becoming a Healing Humorist

By Mark Gorkin

Around a table at a recent Social Work networking dinner two familiar questions surfaced. A colleague who had attended one of my workshops wanted to know, "How did you develop an ability to use humor in your presentations?" And, "Were you always a comic or class clown?" An occasional public presenter herself, the implicit message was clear: "How can I use humor more effectively; can I learn to be more funny?"

Reasonable questions: while there is a funny bone, I don't believe there is a funny gene. (And as a youngster I lacked the needed confidence and brashness to be class clown.) While we may not replicate the manic antics of Robin Williams, the outrageous portraits of Richard Pryor or capture the delightful absurdity of former Saturday Night Live star, Gilda Radner, because of the powerfully poignant nature of our work, social workers are poised to be healing humorists. As the pioneering comedic film genius, Charlie Chaplin, observed: A paradoxical thing is that in making comedy, the tragic is precisely that which arouses the funny…we have to laugh due to our helplessness in the face of natural forces and (in order) not to go crazy.

And one of the world's great humanitarians, the undaunted perceptual trail blazer, Helen Keller, beautifully captured, if you will, a social work humor mission statement:

The world is so full of care and sorrow that it is a gracious debt we owe to one another to discover the bright crystals of delight in somber circumstances and irksome tasks.

So, how can individual professionals as well as social work organizations embark on a healing humor quest? For transforming darkness and heaviness into lightness or enlightenment, consider these "Four Key Healing Humor Skills and Strategies":

1. Distinguish Humor and Wit.
   
   a) Humor recognizes the absurdities in situations and playfully embraces our fears and foibles. It often has a silly, non-verbal component exaggerating voice tones, facial gestures, and body movements. I liken it to letting the air out of a blown up balloon, and watching it crazily circle, sputter, and plop.
   
   Try this: To impart healing humor share a story with a client that involves embracing and gently laughing at your own flaws and foibles. Of course, the motive should not be gaining acceptance or sympathy from the client. When self-effacing humor comes from a place of integrity, you will simply seem less perfect and more accessible in your audience's eyes. Not only are you speaking the language, but also you're walking your client's talk. And you are being a model for greater self-acceptance. (See my rapping experience below.)
   
   b) Wit quickly and imaginatively expresses the connection between things improbable or contradictory. America's original humorist, Mark Twain, said it best: "Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas, which before their union were not perceived to have any relation." Wit is highly verbal with a sudden, sharp edge (which, alas, can easily go over the healing edge into hostility or ridicule.). As Shakespeare noted: "Brevity is the soul of wit." Think of wit as sticking a pin into that inflated balloon (or a puffed up ego). An example of concise wit, perhaps, is my self-invented title of "Psychohumorist." ™ (Of course, I let folks decide where to place the emphasis on this word.)
   
   
2. Learn to Reframe. A key humor technique is the ability to look at life events the same as everyone else and see something different. For example, the early 20th c. French novelist, Anatole France, examining himself in a mirror, upon turning 75, observed: "Mirrors just aren't what they used to be." (And if you can gently poke fun at yourself you've enhanced the "higher power of humor" effect.) Consider these two reframing examples – one is interpersonal, the other organizational.
   
   a) Interpersonal. As a mid-'90s Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant at a large US Postal Service Processing & Distribution Plant, walking the work floor was commonplace. (Believe me, humor was not a luxury.) One day I came upon a couple bantering, seemingly playfully, if not a bit seductively. A collegial chorus was also present. The banter turned a bit provocative and the woman suddenly mouthed the "f u" expletive while throwing her antagonist the proverbial finger. The onlookers quickly warned the couple about me: "Be careful, this guy is the 'Company Shrink.'" Then the guy egged me on: "Now what do you think about what she just did?" With tension building, I nervously paused, then rallied: "What do I think? I just think she thinks you're # 1," and walked off with collective laughter behind me. (A vital humor skill: learn to playfully nip the hand or hands that feed you!)
   
   b) Organizational. Years back a Federal court was automating its record keeping system and was getting resistance from a number of employees. This was especially true for those most affected by the change in a key form. Not surprisingly, employees had not been consulted about the change. Instead of only focusing on employee resistance to change, I challenged management to examine their one-sided decision-making process. I also thought employees were grieving, that is, experiencing feelings of loss, both of a familiar mode of operation as well as the loss of job control and sense of professional autonomy. After discussing the managerial missteps, I shared a "pass in the impasse aha!" with court leadership: "Let's have a 'forms funeral.'" All employees would have a chance to bemoan the loss of the old, express concerns about new procedures, and most important, criticize authority for not initially seeking group input. Not surprisingly, this novel, perhaps somewhat absurd, communal catharsis broke through the barriers both to accepting change and to participatory decision-making. We also began healing some organizational wounds.
   
   
3. Be Aware of Context, Play with Content. Sensitivity to your audience is vital, especially if wading into provocative areas, like sex or religion. For example, when I moved from, "devil may care" N'Awlins to Washington, DC, I had to rethink carrying over a stress workshop closing punch line: "They say laughter is the best tension reliever and sex is second…so if you're having funny sex you're probably in good shape!" Politically correct audience discomfort eventually led to a different close. I now stress the importance of "The Serenity Prayer": "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know where to hide the bodies!" (Okay, so you can take the boy out of "The Big Easy" but not the irreverence from the boy.)
   
   
4. Be Vivid and Visual, Surprising and Self-Effacing. In my "Practice Safe Stress" workshop (a clever witticism, in my humble opinion), after presenting "The Four Stages of Burnout," there's a decided heaviness in the room. To uplift the group mood, I unexpectedly put on a Blues Brothers hat, black sunglasses and pull out a black tambourine. I then announce that I'm pioneering the field of psychologically humorous rap music, calling it, of course…"Shrink Rap" ™ Productions. Once the groans subside, I counter: "We'll see who has the last groan," and suddenly belt out, while prancing about the room:

   When it comes to feelings do you stuff them inside?
   Is tough John Wayne your emotional guide?
   And it's not just men so proud and tight-lipped
   For every Rambo there seems to be a Rambette.

   There's more, but I'll spare you. The crowd goes from bewildered to bowled over. After the laughter and applause dies down, I revert to self-effacing form: "That's okay, I've been doing this long enough. I can tell when an audience is applauding out of relief." I also reassure them it only takes two hours for the effects of my rapping to wear off. Clearly, being joyfully on the edge, providing some witty lyrics while poking fun at my own absurdity is a great way to break down barriers and bond with an audience. And, remember, people enjoy and are more open to a serious message when it's gift-wrapped with humor.
   

So, hopefully, you now are inspired to pursue some luminous lunacy, to explore the role of healing humorist and, of course, to…Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," is a licensed Clinical Social Worker and a national speaker and trainer on stress, communications, team building, creativity and HUMOR. He is the "Online Psychohumorist" (TM) for the major AOL mental health resource, Online Psych, and for AOL's Business Know How. Check his Web site, recently featured as a USA Today Online "Hot Site," at www.stressdoc.com or email StressDoc@aol.com.

Published in Networking Today, February 2004.