Business Profile: Web Site Provides Online Community for the Disabled

By Susan Regier

In only one year, SoulfulEncounters.com has evolved from a Web-based dating connection into a life-asserting online community. With chat rooms, personal profiles, and photo albums, it is best described as a cross between My Space, Face Book, and a dating site…but with a twist. It is niched for those who are physically or medically disabled – and there is nothing else like it online.

Louise Maxwell, the site’s founder and administrator, has been instrumental in drastically changing the lives of its members. With close to 2400 members before its current restructure, including lawyers, pastors, psychologists, and other professionals, the site has become a support system for the disabled by the disabled – and a support for parents of disabled children.

For one mom, the site has been instrumental is helping her teenage daughter learn appropriate behaviours toward friendships. Other members in the chat room have embraced her and are helping her to better understand her growing development with relationships and she is developing new friends who understand her. Knowing that predators or suspicious individuals will be immediately removed from the site gives the mom a sense of security as her teen grows independently.

SoulfulEncounters.com is quickly building a reputation for providing a new outlook or purpose in life as members become extended family – and many have developed friendships and romance that otherwise would not have been possible. “Louise made me feel worthy and confident…not trapped and sad,” said one member. “I have never felt so good about myself in my entire life.”

Online membership ranges from age 21 to 87 with most between 40 and 55. Maxwell takes the time to discover each person’s strengths and brings it out through chat room conversations to help build self-esteem. And she is extremely protective of her online community. Spammers and scammers are quickly identified and eliminated to protect the vulnerable members.

Maxwell worked more than twenty years in medical offices surrounded by the very ill and disabled – and she was in her comfort zone. After becoming disabled herself in her late thirties due to numerous back surgeries following a car accident, she discovered that she continually had to prove she was smart and capable. Being housebound for nearly ten years, she felt isolated…and understands the needs of the disabled community first hand. “Just because you’re physically handicapped doesn’t mean that your heart and soul are. We’re empowering people to be who they want to be,” said Maxwell.

At SoulfulEncounters.com the type of disability doesn’t matter – the important thing is that everyone is regarded as an individual with unique talents and aspirations. Maxwell recognizes this in each member and strives to make everyone feel good about themselves.

“Members form a unique community in which they feel safe, accepted, and appreciated regardless of their country of origin,” said Maxwell, “because in the hearts of the disabled, no border exists.”

Susan Regier is the publisher/editor of Networking Today and owner of Vantage One Writing, a professional writing service for businesses. (519) 471-8726 Email: susan@vantageone.ca Web site: www.vantageone.ca


Published in Networking Today, January 2008

The Top Two Habits of Very Happy People

By Barbara Bartlein

For years, scientists have studied mental health. Historically the focus has been problems and pathology. Researchers explored diseases, treatment options, medications, and protocols. They studied schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, and depression. Only in recent years has there been attention to positive mental health. After all, there are people who are happy most of the time. People who face each day with a smile and see the positive in events in their lives.

This field of positive psychology has provided strong evidence that there are substantial benefits to happiness including better health, longer life, successful relationships, and more. Consider:

• Happy people are more likely to have stronger immune systems, according to several studies.
• A Mayo Clinic study found that optimists live longer than pessimists.
• Happy people endure pain better than unhappy people.
• A study of 180 nuns found that 90% of those with inherent positive emotions in their writing lived to age 85 or beyond. In contrast, only 34% of the less cheerful nuns were alive to 85 years of age.
• In a study of 222 college student, the 10% measuring happiest differed from the remaining students in one way: they had a fulfilling social life and circle of friends.
• Happier people are more satisfied with their jobs than less happy people and are also more productive.
  
• Studies indicate happier people have less depression, less suicide, and less paranoia than unhappy folks.
  

With all the benefits of happiness, one wonders why there isn’t more attention, training, and information given to people on how to find and maintain happiness. Is happiness something that happens to you or something you create in your life? Specifically, what do happy people do that unhappy people either don’t or are unwilling to do? Researchers found that happy people have two significant habits. Happy people:

Practice forgiveness…

They actively work on “letting go” of anger, resentment, and negative feelings. They understand that resentment means “to feel again” and will poison the soul and spirit. Happy people know that a vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the betrayer claim one more victim. They try to appreciate other people’s point of view and recognize that we all make mistakes. As Kurt Vonnegut once said, “We are all in this together. Whatever this is.”

Happy people not only practice forgiveness with other people, they also acknowledge it for themselves. Happy people do not spend time wrestling with the “shoulds” that confine and conflict people. They do not listen to the negative self-talk of “you should be a better mom, wife, husband, child, etc. They know that they have tried to do their best and forgive themselves for shortcomings. They actively work at accepting themselves just as they are; imperfect. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, not what you do for someone else. It encourages you to imagine a better future as you give up your destructive thoughts.

Have an attitude of gratitude…

Happy people do not worry about what others have and understand that someone always has more. In spite of the billions of dollars spent on advertising to convince us more will make us ecstatic, happy people don’t believe this myth. They understand that this affluence only leads to despair because more is never enough. Happy people don’t compare with others as comparisons means that someone always comes up short. Rather, they focus on what they have and are grateful.

A recent study by psychologists Dr. Michael McCollough and Dr. Robert Emmons, indicates that gratitude plays a significant role in a person’s sense of well-being. The study required several hundred people in three different groups to keep daily diaries. The first group kept a diary of the events that occurred during the day, the second group recorded their unpleasant experiences, and the last group made a daily list of things for which they were grateful.

The results of the study demonstrated that daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism, and energy. Additionally, the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, was more likely to help others, exercised more, and made progress toward personal goals. According to McCollough, people who feel grateful are also more likely to feel loved. Gratitude seemed to encourage a positive cycle of reciprocal kindness among people since one act of gratitude encourages another.

Spend some time letting go of negative thoughts and focusing on the many positives in your life. As Frank Clark once said, “If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he is going to get.”

Barbara Bartlein, is the People Pro. She offers keynotes, seminars, and consultation to help you build your business and balance your life. She can be reached at 888-747-9953, by email at: barb@ThePeoplePro.com or visit her Web site at www.ThePeoplePro.com.


Published in Networking Today, January 2008

Resolved to Get Healthy in 2008?

Don't Forget These Friendship Exercises

If improving your health tops the list of your New Year’s resolutions, you probably already plan to exercise more and eat better. But don’t overlook another important factor in overall well-being – friendship.

Studies show that people with strong relationships and social networks are happier, healthier, and more successful. In fact, research by the Gallup Organization indicates that friendship between spouses accounts for 70 percent of satisfaction in a marriage, and friendships at work significantly impact job satisfaction.

“Any plan to improve your health in 2008 should include some work on relationships,” says USA Weekend columnist and relationship expert Dennie Hughes. “Strong friendships are as important to our health as eating right, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly.”

Hughes offers the following advice for building your relationship health in the New Year:

Know Your Friends’ Roles

Like the song says, it’s a good thing to “Get by with a little help from (your) friends.” But, Hughes says, don’t expect all your needs to be fulfilled by one very best bud.

“If you’re like most people, you have multiple friends who serve different roles in your life – from confidante to confidence builder, cheerleader to collaborator. It’s perfectly okay to compartmentalize in this way,” Hughes says. “Depending on one friend to be everything puts a lot of pressure on that person,” she adds. “Look at a friendship for what it is. Know that person’s role in your life and maintain the friendship at the level that you’re both comfortable with.”

Experience the Power of Staying in Touch with Friends

"The mental and emotional boost from interacting with friends is powerful. Staying in touch with an old friend and talking about ‘back in the day’ escapades can remind you that there is more to you than just ‘soccer mom.’ Talking with a new friend who you don’t share a history with gives you a great perspective on how others see you now and the opportunity to change if you don’t like the feedback,” Hughes notes. “Just be sure the friends you choose to keep are as willing as you are to be a positive influence in some aspect: according to a new study published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine, friends who depend on you to be there for them but don’t give back supportive energy when you need them can cause a 44 percent greater spike in your blood pressure!”

It’s healthy to connect with friends regularly, both old and new, to learn what they’re up to and share what’s going on with you today. As a matter of fact, according to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, connecting with someone from the past you haven’t spoken to in ages – or with someone you just met – offers up great mood-lifting potential.

But success in friendship health requires simple ways for friends to keep up with each other. Web sites like Classmates.com make it easier to stay up to date with friends. Creating a free membership enables you to easily update people on what you’ve been up to, and find friends not only from high school, but also college, work and military affiliations. There are more than 50 million members, so you are likely to find some familiar friends to stay in touch with.

Because Classmates.com isn’t a “dating site,” approaching a person you have something in common with through the site “takes the weirdness out of contacting someone.”

Finally, you can extend your network of friends and strengthen bonds with current friends by trying to get to know your friends’ friends. “I like to host a ‘meet my friends party’,” Hughes says. Invite your friends to a party and ask them to bring along some of their friends whom you don’t already know. Not only do you expand your social network with people you are likely to already have something in common with – your friend’s friends – it’s also interesting to see your friends through someone else’s eyes.

Courtesy of ARAcontent


Published in Networking Today, January 2008

Providing More Value for Time to Senior Executives

By Andrew Sobel

Recently, I was trying to organize a conference call between the chairman of a large professional services firm and another executive. I said to the chairman, “Let’s just get a 20-minute call organized with William.” He took a deep breath and replied, “Andrew, you need to realize that I have about 50 people lined up here, and each one just wants ‘just’ 20 minutes with me.”

The point is that every senior executive I know could easily fill each day twice over. For every request, they are asking, “Does this align with my most critical priorities? Can someone else handle this? Can it wait a few weeks?” They invest their time in relationships only where there is tangible value for them. For busy senior executives, value for time – even more than value for money – has become immensely important. If you want to successfully build strong relationships with executives, you have to understand how to consistently add value for time.

Why is value for time so important now? Executives have always been busy but today, things are genuinely worse. Corporate managers have to deal with a variety of activist constituencies, which include customers and shareholders but also investigative journalists, non-governmental organizations, enforcement agencies, boycott organizers, and others. They also have to manage and digest greater organizational complexity, new technologies, globalization, and the resultant avalanche of internal meetings, email, and documents that these produce. Yet there are still only 24 hours in each day.

So, how do you maximize value for time for your clients? First, let’s try to summarize what value for time represents. Value for time could include both giving value and getting value in a fairly brief exchange. An executive is giving value when he is energizing an important initiative, making a key decision, shaping the direction of a program, meeting a key customer, or perhaps mentoring a direct report. He’s feeling, “I really used the power of my office and my experience and judgment to have an impact here.”

On the other hand, she is getting value when she’s learning valuable new information, being pushed to rethink a problem, getting her perspectives broadened, or making a new personal connection. Above all, your message has to align with her goals and priorities. If she’s not thinking, “That was a really great use of my time,” you won’t get a second chance.

Here are some suggestions for increasing the value you add during time spent with your clients:

1. Make sure that what you are discussing is aligned with or connected to that executive’s most important issues and priorities. If you’re not relating to your client’s most pressing concerns, he or she isn’t going to be enthusiastic about spending more time with you.
   
   
2. Remember that clients’ issues shift and change. One client executive, the general counsel for a large corporation, recently said to me, “When I was in private practice I had a misconception that my client’s issues were fairly static and didn’t change much week to week. Now I realize that’s just not the case. My priorities change frequently –at one point I may be under cost pressure, and trying to trim the fees we pay to outside lawyers; at another time, we may be in the middle of a large deal and our concern is speed and getting the transaction done, with little regard to cost.
   
   
3. A simple question can refocus the conversation – or at least make sure it includes what is most pressing for your client at that moment: What’s the most important issue we should be discussing this morning? Or, we hoped to cover X today. Is there something else we should also focus on?
   
   
4. Capture your client’s interest in the first few minutes of conversation. In pop music, it’s called the hook – it’s how you start the dialogue. Think of the guitar riff that introduces the Rolling Stones’ song “Satisfaction,” or the single guitar chord that begins the Beatles’ “A Hard Day’s Night.” You’re commanded to listen. If you don't get the person’s attention in the first few minutes, you’ve lost the opportunity and may lose the rest of your half hour. One IT company I know told me about a recent meeting they had with the CEO of a major telco. After 15 minutes he looked at his watch and left – there was no hook, they hadn’t done their homework, and they failed to connect to his concerns.
   
   
5. Add unique information or insight that your client cannot get from his own people. For example: Insights about the organization and what¹s really going on 2 or 3 levels below that executive. - Information about the competition, which could include new moves in the marketplace but also news about the comings and goings of top executives - Examples of how other clients are handling similar issues or problems - Something that’s happening in a different industry or market that is relevant to your client’s business.
   
   
6. Think about adding value in four categories: content or ideas, connection, personal help, and fun.
   
   The first category – ideas – is the most important and we mentioned this in the previous point. It goes beyond the reporting of facts or information, however. It’s about improving your client's thinking.
   
   Are you making observations about the enterprise that are helping to shape your client’s perceptions? Are you challenging an assumption? Are you asking thought-provoking questions that no one else is posing to your client?
   Connection can be another source of value: Can you expand their personal network? Personal help can embrace many things – advising someone’s teenager about applying to your alma mater, getting them an appointment with a hard-to-reach medical specialist, or just being a sounding board about their next career move.
   
   Some people still like to have fun – to go to the opera or a playoff game – but often they’re just too busy, and usually this works best after you’ve delivered on the first three types of value.
   
   
7. Sometimes a conversation, which allows a client to try out ideas on you – or even talk out loud about a problem – can be extremely valuable. You don't need to bring a brilliant idea or a large PowerPoint deck to every meeting to convey value.
   
   
8. Help your clients organize and use their time effectively. You can do this through careful planning, asking about and being sensitive to other demands on their time, organizing meetings and calls in a way that’s most convenient for them, giving them a short pre-read which summarizes the issues, proving a brief note after your discussion, and so on.
   
   
9. Often, less is more. If you can accomplish in 30 minutes what others take an hour to achieve because they are sloppy and undisciplined in their communications, your client will be grateful. You want your client to wish he had more of your time, not less of it. 10. Finally, don’t do things such as: Talk excessively about yourself. Get mired in the details and take too long to get to the point. Act like a nervous supplicant. Try to sell rather than create “reach.” Rely too heavily on audio-visual props. Focus on your own agenda rather than the other person’s needs. Be inflexible and refuse to shift the focus of the conversation.
   

The next time you meet with a senior client executive, think about how you can make that session truly valuable.

Andrew Sobel is the leading authority on client relationships and the skills and strategies required to earn enduring client and customer loyalty. He is coauthor of Clients for Life: How Great Professionals Development Breakthrough Relationships (Simon & Schuster). He can be reached at (505) 982-0211 or by e-mail at andrew@andrewsobel.com www.andrewsobel.com


Published in Networking Today, January 2008

How to Harness the Power of Forgiveness

By Gregg Thompson

Many, if not most, of today’s leaders have had at least one important working relationship that has gone bad and significantly impairs their leadership effectiveness. They avoid the other person, see him or her as their political enemy, and burn an inordinate amount of emotional energy when dealing with them. The other person is often an enigma and a point of continual frustration.

For these leaders, these relationships evoke deep visceral feelings that can be debilitating; significantly interfering with their ability to move their organizations forward.

Here’s a radical solution to this common problem: Great leaders are harnessing the power of forgiveness to repair broken working relationships. But the key is that they don’t offer forgiveness, they ask for it.

Human spirit is amazingly susceptible to a genuine request for forgiveness. I have seen old grudges forgotten, festering wounds healed and perpetual acrimony turn into thriving new alliances. This is the power of forgiveness. A few minutes of difficult, sometimes risky, conversation can repair a relationship that has been in ruin for years.

I challenge leaders to think about the two or three relationships that are holding you back. Then, meet each person in private, and ask for their forgiveness…and now here's the tough part…with no expectation of being asked for forgiveness in return.

I realize that this is not easy. It probably will be the most difficult thing you will do this week, maybe this year. You will need to summon up all of your courage and ignore for the moment the fact that you believe you really are the injured party.

By the way, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. Being a leader means doing the tough stuff others will not do…and this is really tough stuff.



Gregg Thompson is the President of Bluepoint Leadership Development and author of Unleashed! – Expecting Greatness and Other Secrets of Coaching for Exceptional Performance. He has extensive experience as a business leader, operations manager, executive coach, facilitator and management consultant. He can be reached at greggthompson@bluepointleadership.com or 513.289.0141


Published in Networking Today, January 2008