Seeing Eye To Eye

By Janet Christensen

I am fortunate enough to be writing this article in Cabarete, Dominican Republic. The Dominican Republic is a wonderful country, alive with sights, colours, sounds, music, and a tantalizing blend of people. It is also a third world country where the hydro goes out frequently, and the local residents struggle to have things that we so often take for granted, such as adequate housing, quality medical care, and food on the table.

A feature of the local economy is the street and beach vendors. These vendors are not as intrusive as ones I have encountered on some other islands. However, it is impossible to walk down the street or sit on the beach without being approached by someone selling, among other things, CD’s, watches, shoes, jewelry, timeshares, or asking if you want a taxi or ride on the back of a motorcycle. The best one is the guy we have seen several times with one size twelve running shoe. His niche market is the amputee with one big foot. My surprise was being approached several times to see if I want my hair braided – my hair that is about one inch long at its longest part and spiked out. It is tempting to have it done just to see what they would do!

This is not my first visit to the Dominican Republic, so I knew what to expect. My husband and our friend were here a week ahead of me and they claim that they were not approached until I arrived. What do I have that they don’t, besides the obvious biological differences? They are both nice guys, although they probably exude the frugal windsurfer look here. Both of these guys encounter and successfully deal with people of all ages and types in their work. It became apparent that my invitation to approach me resulted from making eye contact. For the innocent tourist, eye contact sends the signal that you are open to buy, buy, buy!

One of the cornerstones of effective communication is making eye contact. When we make eye contact with someone, we acknowledge his presence and send a signal that we are open to communicate with him. When I am speaking to a large audience, I make a point of making eye contact with people to establish a personal connection. For me, making eye contact with someone also honours his or her value as a person, whether or not we speak. I am one of those people who smiles at strangers as we pass on the street.

In Western society someone who does not make eye contact may be considered to be shy, evasive, shifty or dishonest. Anyone who has tried to talk to a child (or an adult) who refuses to make eye contact knows how frustrating that can be and that it sends the message “I’m ignoring you.” In today’s business world where the importance of networking and making personal connections is emphasized, we are encouraged to stand tall, smile, and make eye contact with people. Our choice to make eye contact, or not make eye contact, sends very important signals, even before we open our mouths to speak.

We are now living in a world where much of our communication occurs by phone, e-mail, or in other ways that do not require face-to-face contact. When we do have that opportunity to connect in person, face-to-face, it becomes more important to acknowledge each other and lay the groundwork for effective communication. Making eye contact facilitates this. In doing so, you value both the other person and yourself. You send the message that you are present and open to communicate and you invite the other person to also be present and communicate.

For my part, I have decided that it is more important for me to make the eye contact with the locals here and appreciate their individuality. And I have learned to say with a friendly smile, “no, gracias.”

Janet Christensen passionately inspires potential as a professional speaker, Passion Map facilitator and writer. She can be reached through her company Unlimiting Potential at (519) 434-5397 or toll free 1-888-779-3061 fax (519) 434-8344 email info@janetchristensen.com Web site www.janetchristensen.com. Published in Networking Today, August 2004.