Increase Your Business Success: Learn to Mingle in 9 Simple Steps!

By Barbara Pachter

Two managers were competing for a promotion. Both were professionally competent and ready to move up. Yet only one of them had outstanding social skills. She was the one who could walk into any social event – whether a dinner meeting or company party – and immediately strike up a conversation with just about anyone. She was outgoing and interesting. The other woman crossed her arms when talking to others, didn’t make eye contact, and often stood by herself at networking events. Small talk was a torment for her.

Guess who got picked for the promotion? The good mingler, of course.

Socializing successfully isn’t an option; it’s an important business skill. It’s an opportunity to meet people and have people get to know you outside of the traditional office setting. And that’s important because people do business with others they know, like, and respect. Mingling and striking up conversations with people you know and don’t know is also a great way to get the inside story or gain valuable information about your department, company, or field.

Yet socializing with ease doesn’t come easily to everyone. But mingling is a skill that can be mastered by anyone, even the shy individual. And of course, there are a lot of professionals who think they’re great minglers when, in fact, they need to brush up on their skills too, like people who don’t make eye contact or express a genuine interest in others.

Here are the nine skills that will help you become a mingling maven:

1. GO WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE. If you go to a social situation thinking you will have a horrible time, you will have a horrible time. If you go thinking, I can mingle, I can have an interesting, good time, you are much more likely to have a positive experience.
   
   
2. KEEP YOUR BODY LANGUAGE OPEN. I see a lot of people who look like ice kings and queens at business social events. They stand with stern facial expressions. Others cross their arms, wring their hands, stand against the wall, or bite their nails. Instead, walk in with a smile. Keep your hands to your sides. And remember, if you don’t look or act nervous, people won’t know you are nervous.
   
   
3. FOLLOW THE 10-5 RULE FOR MEETING AND GREETING. If you make eye contact with someone within 10 feet of you, you must acknowledge someone with a nod or a smile. At 5 feet you must say something, “Hello,” or “Good morning.” It’s a good rule because it drives people crazy when others pretend they don’t see them!
   
   
4. DRESS APPROPRIATELY. Wear clothes that fit well and are appropriate to the event. You want to feel good and comfortable in them. It’s hard to mingle with confidence if you’re dressed inappropriately or your clothes are ill fitting.
   
   
5. PREPARE CONVERSATION AHEAD OF TIME. People feel much more able to approach others when they have something to say. Read the daily newspaper and know what is going on in the world. Read your professional journals and newsletters and know what’s going on in your field.
   
   
6. BE WILLING TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO NEW PEOPLE. The easiest person to walk up to is the person who is alone. That person is usually grateful for the company. Introduce yourself and shake hands both when you greet the person and when you leave. And remember to keep your drink in your left hand so your right is free and dry to shake. If you’re sitting down, turn to the people on either side of you and say hello and introduce yourself.
   
   
7. ASK QUESTIONS TO ENCOURAGE THE OTHER PERSON TO TALK. Make comments about the answers to continue the conversation. Here are four types of comments you can make: Expanding: “Tell me more, it sounds as if you had a great time.” Comparing: “That sounds as if it is similar to…” Self-revealing: “I know what you mean I was in a similar situation last year.” Clarifying: “What exactly did he do?”
   
   
8. DON’T DRINK TOO MUCH. Some people may drink to feel more comfortable in social situations, but it can really backfire on you. You may say or do something you wouldn’t normally say or do. If you do decide to drink, stick to the one drink rule.
   
   
9. USE EXIT LINES. Not only do you need to say hello, you need to say goodbye. An exit line will help you say goodbye gracefully and leave on a positive note. You can simply say, “Nice talking to you,” “Good to see you” or “I hope to see you again soon.”
   

Barbara Pachter is the author of "The Jerk With the Cell Phone" (Marlowe & Co.), and “The Power of Positive Confrontation” ($13.95 paperback, Marlowe & Co.) and “When The Little Things Count...And They Always Count,” ($12.95 paperback, Marlowe & Co.). She is co-author of several books including the “Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook.” She is a speaker, trainer and coach specializing in business communications, business etiquette, and assertiveness issues. Her client list features major corporations and organizations worldwide, including NASA, Pfizer Inc., DaimlerChrysler, Ernst & Young, and the University of Michigan.

For a review copy of “When the Little Things Count” or “The Power of Positive Confrontation,” contact Blanca Olivery: 646-375-2571, or blanca@avalonpub.com. Published in Networking Today, October 2004.