That's Just RUDE! Exploring the Rudeness Matrix

By Nancy Friedman

Paper or Plastic? Sound familiar? And do you know what else is familiar? How many of us have been at a checkout counter where the clerks are talking to each other and ignoring us, the customer? Rude, wasn't it?

The fact is rudeness in our society is reaching epidemic proportions. We've all been on the receiving end of rude behavior. Sometimes, we may even be guilty of giving, rather than receiving.

So what exactly constitutes rude behavior? Is it always intentional? Can you be rude by NOT taking action? Can it be an accident?

FACT: The offended party is the sole judge of whether something is RUDE or not.

One person's RUDE might be another person's habit. Example: I might think it's RUDE to constantly crack your knuckles, while you may feel great when doing it.

To get a clear understanding of the term RUDE, let's look at its definition:

1. Lacking the graces and refinement of civilized life;
   
2. uncouth Lacking education or knowledge I
3. ll-mannered; discourteous
   

Not exactly words you'd want to be used when describing you, huh? To make rudeness easier to identify, understand and (hopefully) avoid, we've classified RUDES into the form of a matrix. On the X axis we've distinguished between whether the rudeness was passive or active, in other words, was it from something you did or from something you didn't do? On the Y axis we've distinguished by whether the action was accidental or on purpose.

First, let's begin with Type 1, Accidental Rudeness by Omission.

This is inadvertent rudeness caused by a lack of action. Examples include:

• Forgetting to RSVP to a function/meeting
  
• Being so focused that you ignore others around you
  

In Type 2 rudeness we have Accidental Rudeness by Commission, which is inadvertent rudeness caused by something you did. Examples include:

• Inappropriate cell phone use
  
• Sneezing into your hands and then offering to shake hands
  

Type 3 rudeness is Intentional Rudeness by Omission, purposeful rudeness caused by a lack of action. Examples might include:

• Not returning voice mails/email or phone calls
  
• Purposefully leaving a mess with the intention of having others clean it up
  

And perhaps the worse offense of them all, Type 4 Intentional Rudeness by Commission. This is rudeness delivered on purpose and caused by an action you took. This is industrial strength rudeness with the intention of sending a message. Being “nasty” on purpose or using sarcastic humor One-word answers (this is often thought of as cold and uncaring) As you can see, for such a little word... RUDE is a big topic. Let's strive for a RUDE OUT – a day without any rude behavior.

Nancy Friedman is president of Telephone Doctor®, an international customer service training company headquartered in St. Louis, Missouri, specializing in customer service and telephone skills. She is a KEYNOTE speaker at association conferences and corporate gatherings and is the author of four best selling books. Call 314-291-1012 for more information or visit the website at www.telephonedoctor.com.

Published in Networking Today, January 2005.