The Power of Being Right

By Janet Christensen

We all want to be right – whether that means having our views heard and agreed to, winning an argument, or knowing that ours is the noble or just cause. Feeling that we are right gives us a sense of power, and sometimes even a sense of superiority. As the saying goes, right is might.

I am currently witnessing a situation where two people who I care about, and with whom I have a close association, are having a serious disagreement that has continued for several weeks. Each of them thinks that they are right and the other is wrong. The more that they become entrenched in their own perspectives, using their inner voices to reinforce their positions, the more difficult it becomes to resolve the issues. This may be a situation where their relationship will end with a lot of hurt and ill will, however, each of them will know that they were “right.”

My observations of this situation are:

Whether or not they want to admit it, each of them had a part to play in the situation getting to where it is today. They each made choices and decisions that contributed to the current reality. They co-created it. Only when they are able and ready to acknowledge their part in bringing this about, can they accept responsibility for coming to a resolution. As long as they hold fast to the thought that they are right and the other person is wrong – that the other person is solely to blame – they will remain stuck, feeling right…and hurt and angry. As the saying goes, “They would rather be right than happy.”

The only hope for any kind of meaningful and sincere resolution to the issue is if they can step into the other's shoes and be willing to try to see the other perspective. There is always another side to the story. However, the more we think we are not heard or understood, the louder and more insistently we put forward our case. This happens for both people with the result that the gap grows wider and the barriers go up. We are busy saying “I am right – listen to me!” instead of saying “please help me to understand.” In order to bridge the gap, instead of widening it, we need to be willing to hear the other's perspective without being ready to automatically discount it or prove it wrong. Otherwise, what is the point of asking the question? You need to be willing to walk in the other person's shoes.

Every one of us wants to feel heard and understood. You may agree to disagree; however, you can only do that when you see both sides. Otherwise, you are just agreeing to be obstinate and choosing to be right at whatever cost. Once each person has an appreciation of both sides of the situation, there is greater opportunity to see what exists in common that will help bridge the gap and create a resolution, rather than just focusing on the differences.

In reality, it would seem that there is very little power in being right at all costs. However, there is personal empowerment in demonstrating leadership by being willing to say “please help me to understand.”

Next time you are focused on being right, you are invited to choose personal empowerment over power. Step back, take the lead, bridge the gap to understanding, and open up the possibility for resolution.

Janet Christensen passionately inspires potential as a professional speaker, Passion Map facilitator and writer. She can be reached through her company Unlimiting Potential at (519) 434-5397 or toll free 1-888-779-3061 fax (519) 434-8344 email info@janetchristensen.com Web site www.janetchristensen.com. Published in Networking Today, March 2005.