The Top Two Habits of Very Happy People

By Barbara Bartlein

For years, scientists have studied mental health. Historically the focus has been problems and pathology. Researchers explored diseases, treatment options, medications, and protocols. They studied schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, and depression. Only in recent years has there been attention to positive mental health. After all, there are people who are happy most of the time. People who face each day with a smile and see the positive in events in their lives.

This field of positive psychology has provided strong evidence that there are substantial benefits to happiness including better health, longer life, successful relationships, and more. Consider:

• Happy people are more likely to have stronger immune systems, according to several studies.
• A Mayo Clinic study found that optimists live longer than pessimists.
• Happy people endure pain better than unhappy people.
• A study of 180 nuns found that 90% of those with inherent positive emotions in their writing lived to age 85 or beyond. In contrast, only 34% of the less cheerful nuns were alive to 85 years of age.
• In a study of 222 college student, the 10% measuring happiest differed from the remaining students in one way: they had a fulfilling social life and circle of friends.
• Happier people are more satisfied with their jobs than less happy people and are also more productive.
  
• Studies indicate happier people have less depression, less suicide, and less paranoia than unhappy folks.
  

With all the benefits of happiness, one wonders why there isn’t more attention, training, and information given to people on how to find and maintain happiness. Is happiness something that happens to you or something you create in your life? Specifically, what do happy people do that unhappy people either don’t or are unwilling to do? Researchers found that happy people have two significant habits. Happy people:

Practice forgiveness…

They actively work on “letting go” of anger, resentment, and negative feelings. They understand that resentment means “to feel again” and will poison the soul and spirit. Happy people know that a vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the betrayer claim one more victim. They try to appreciate other people’s point of view and recognize that we all make mistakes. As Kurt Vonnegut once said, “We are all in this together. Whatever this is.”

Happy people not only practice forgiveness with other people, they also acknowledge it for themselves. Happy people do not spend time wrestling with the “shoulds” that confine and conflict people. They do not listen to the negative self-talk of “you should be a better mom, wife, husband, child, etc. They know that they have tried to do their best and forgive themselves for shortcomings. They actively work at accepting themselves just as they are; imperfect. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, not what you do for someone else. It encourages you to imagine a better future as you give up your destructive thoughts.

Have an attitude of gratitude…

Happy people do not worry about what others have and understand that someone always has more. In spite of the billions of dollars spent on advertising to convince us more will make us ecstatic, happy people don’t believe this myth. They understand that this affluence only leads to despair because more is never enough. Happy people don’t compare with others as comparisons means that someone always comes up short. Rather, they focus on what they have and are grateful.

A recent study by psychologists Dr. Michael McCollough and Dr. Robert Emmons, indicates that gratitude plays a significant role in a person’s sense of well-being. The study required several hundred people in three different groups to keep daily diaries. The first group kept a diary of the events that occurred during the day, the second group recorded their unpleasant experiences, and the last group made a daily list of things for which they were grateful.

The results of the study demonstrated that daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism, and energy. Additionally, the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, was more likely to help others, exercised more, and made progress toward personal goals. According to McCollough, people who feel grateful are also more likely to feel loved. Gratitude seemed to encourage a positive cycle of reciprocal kindness among people since one act of gratitude encourages another.

Spend some time letting go of negative thoughts and focusing on the many positives in your life. As Frank Clark once said, “If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he is going to get.”

Barbara Bartlein, is the People Pro. She offers keynotes, seminars, and consultation to help you build your business and balance your life. She can be reached at 888-747-9953, by email at: barb@ThePeoplePro.com or visit her Web site at www.ThePeoplePro.com.


Published in Networking Today, January 2008