Selling to the Four Temperament Styles

By John Boe

Have you ever wondered why you seem to hit it off right away with some customers, while with others it's more like oil and water? That's because we respond intuitively to the natural chemistry, or lack there of, between temperament styles.

Our temperament style not only determines our behavioral traits, body language patterns, and buying style, but it also influences our compatibility with other people.

Today we have access to innovative tools such as the Internet, cell phones, faxes, and voice mail all designed to enhance our communications and support us in selling more effectively.

Nevertheless, even with all of these technological tools at our disposal, the alarming number of failed relationships, dissatisfied employees, and lost sales all reflect the fact that none of us are as effective at understanding others as we would like to believe.

For example, what about that sale you thought you had made, but for some unknown reason your prospect changed his mind and didn't buy…or at least he didn't buy from you. Chances are you lost that sale because of your inability to recognize and adjust to your prospect's preferred buying style. This temperament mismatch is often referred to as a "personality conflict."

Research in the field of psychology tells us that we are born into one of four primary temperament styles (Aggressive, Expressive, Passive, or Analytical).

A person's temperament style is determined genetically and has nothing to do with his or her astrology sign, birth order, or childhood experiences. Our temperament style is also unrelated to race or gender. Each of these four primary behavioral styles requires a different approach and selling strategy.

Ancient Wisdom

Hippocrates, the father of medicine, is credited with originating the basic theory of the four temperament styles twenty-four hundred years ago. Since the days of ancient Greece, there have been many temperament theories and a wide variety of evaluation instruments, but essentially they utilize the four temperament styles that Hippocrates identified. Hippocrates observed that these four styles have a direct influence on our physiology, character traits, and outlook on life.

The Aggressive or Worker style is:

Extroverted – Determined – Demanding – Domineering – Controlling – Practical – Self-reliant – Decisive – Insensitive

Their major weakness is "anger management." Under pressure the Worker will work harder and may become ill-natured or explosive.

The impatient and goal-oriented Worker prefers a quick, bottom line presentation style. They expect you to be on time and well prepared. They like it when you avoid small talk and get right down to business.

Workers are generally quick to make a decision. They are focused on results and ask “what” questions. Keywords to use when presenting to a Worker are results, speed, and control. Give them options so you don't threaten their need for control.

The Expressive or Talker style is:

Extroverted – Enthusiastic – Emotional – Sociable – Impulsive – Optimistic – Persuasive – Unorganized

Their major weakness is "emotional management." Under pressure the Talker will talk more, shop or eat, and may display an emotional outburst.

The playful and friendly Talker prefers a fast paced and enthusiastic presentation style. Use a short warm up and allow extra time in your presentation for them to talk.

Talkers can be impulsive shoppers and are generally quick to make a decision. The key to making a sale to a Talker is to keep him focused on the presentation and allow time for him to express his feelings.

Talkers seek social acceptance and are concerned about what other people think of them. They ask “who” questions. Keywords to use when presenting to a Talker are exciting, fun, and enthusiastic.

Keep your presentation big picture and avoid giving them too much detail. Consider using colorful pictures, pie charts, or graphs when presenting to this style.

The Passive or Watcher style is:

Introverted – Accommodating – Harmonious – Indecisive – Patient – Polite – Uninvolved – Friendly – Sympathetic

Their major weakness is "self-esteem management." Under pressure the Watcher will avoid conflict by sleeping in longer.

The peaceful and stoic Watcher prefers a slow, deliberate presentation style. Watchers, unlike the impatient Worker, require extra time to warm up before you begin talking about business.

Watchers are very sensitive to conflict or “sales pressure.” They have a need to accommodate others and tend to ask “how” questions. Keywords to use when presenting to this style are family, service, and harmony.

Help the Watcher make a decision by giving them assurance. They dislike having to make decisions and are natural born procrastinators who love the status quos.

The Analytical or Thinker style is:

Introverted – Thoughtful – Organized – Critical – Shy Detailed – Pessimistic – Introspective – Secretive – Aloof

Their major weakness is "stress management." Under pressure the Thinker becomes withdrawn, depressed, and worries more (panic attacks). They "stress out" and seek perfection.

The cautious Thinker prefers a slow, detailed presentation style and warms up slowly. They are skeptical and typically research before they purchase. Thinkers want detailed information and they tend to ask “why” questions.

Keywords to use are logical, safety, and quality. Because they are concerned about making a wrong decision and appearing incompetent, you can expect the Thinker to want to take their time.

Their frugal nature will cause them to “shop your numbers” to make certain they are not paying too much. Because of their desire for research and their need to avoid making a mistake, Thinkers often get bogged down in details. They get what is called "paralyzes from analysis." Close the sale with the Thinker by reducing their fear of making a mistake. Give them evidence, facts, testimonials, and guarantees.

While there are certainly many factors that influence the selling process, by far the most important factor is to identify your prospect's preferred buying style. Once you learn how to quickly and accurately determine your prospect's temperament style using body language, you will be able to close more sales in less time!

John Boe presents a variety of training and motivational programs for meetings and conventions. John brings over twenty years of experience as an award-winning sales trainer to the platform. His programs are unique, consistently well received, and get results. Visit www.johnboe.com for more information.

Published in Networking Today, May 2006.

Miscommunications in a World of Communications

By Nancy Friedman

Is there anyone reading this that hasn’t had some sort of “miscommunication” in their daily work schedule? It’s like the road sign we saw a while back, "Eat here and get gas." The Tonight Show runs that type of segment every once in a while.

Well, today there are seven valid Touch Points of Communication. Seven ways we can foul up any relationship (business or personal). You’re familiar with them all, I’m sure. But as they say "a refresher is good for the soul." Take the Telephone Doctor ride with me.

Email, voice mail, regular mail, phone, fax, face-to-face, and instant messaging. There they are. Of these seven touch points, the way we communicate with each other, three are SYNCHRONOUS and four are ASYNCHRONOUS. Meaning three are instant phone, face-to-face, and instant messaging. The other four methods of communication, we wait for an answer.

Touch Point #1: The Telephone (You knew I’d take that first, didn’t you?)

This includes your cell phone as well. Telephone Doctor surveys show that more than 80% of all business transactions involve a phone call at one point or another. The telephone is synchronous, meaning you’re in sync with the person you’re communicating with. You have a simultaneous two-way exchange of information.

This doesn’t mean you need to agree with the person; just that you are both able to communicate immediately. The best part of this touch point, is the ability to hear tone of voice. The telephone is much like the radio. You hear and your imagination takes over. No sight. Just sound. The telephone is the most effective and popular method of communication (providing you have reached the called party). You can get answers quickly (again, providing you have reached the called party). Respond rapidly. As you might imagine, this particular touch point is my personal favorite. I don’t even want caller ID. Takes all the fun out of a phone call!

Touch Point #2: Email This method of communication is "asynchronous."

Meaning you communicate one at a time and you may not get immediate communication back. And with email, you have relinquished interpretation of the tone of voice to the other person (DANGEROUS!). Email etiquette is fairly new. Email is a delivery method that has the ability to “sit” for hours, sometimes days, without an answer. A Telephone Doctor client once told us "when there are more than two emails on the same topic back and forth, it’s time for a face-to-face or phone meeting."

A friendly reminder to be careful in your emails. Many hurt feelings have come about due to insensitive writing. This is a good place to practice all your “pleases,” “thank you’s” and “you’re welcomes.” Short, terse, one-word answers can be perceived as “rude.” (But that’s in any touch point!)

Touch Point #3: Voice Mail (This really needs to be its own article, but for the sake of expediency, read on.)

Again, voice mail is an "asynchronous" means of communication. You can leave a voice mail for someone and when you get an answer, if ever, it’s up to that person, not you. It’s not instantaneous as speaking with someone directly on the phone. So, here again, your voice mail needs to be special.

As we’ve said many times, there are three types of voice mail that you can leave – a poor, an average, and a great one. When you leave a voice mail, make it a great one. Remember, you get to use your tone of voice. That’s a real plus. The called party can hear the laughter, the smile, and the tone. Use it to your advantage. It’s a fact, messages that are received in an upbeat, positive tone are returned faster than a monotone, negative voice mail.

Touch Point #4: Letters As we all will agree, the Postal Service was one of the first methods of communication.

And it’s still used as a great method of communication. It goes along with emails, though, because the written word can often be miscommunicated easily. So email, voice mail, and post mail are similar when communicating. All are “asynchronous.” You wait for an answer.

Touch Point #5: Fax Add this to the list above.

You’ll wait for an answer. Remember when the fax came on the scene? Seems as though we didn’t know how we could operate without a fax machine. And today, it trails sadly behind the other touch points. Yet, it’s still there and being used, just not as much or as often. And a Telephone Doctor reminder, again, the fax is asynchronous. One-way information waiting for an answer.

Touch Point #6: Face-to-Face This obviously needs very little explanation.

When we communicate face-to-face, we have it all. Sight, sound, tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, the entire package. It is the ultimate synchronous touch point. And yet, with all these helpful tips, somehow we still continue to miscommunicate with each other.

Touch Point #7: Messaging This method is fairly new compared to our other channels of communication.

And while we do log it as synchronous, providing the person you IM is also online at the same time, this method can also be combined with a phone call. And all the same "niceties" of please, thank you, and you’re welcome need to be applied.

A review:

• Telephone (synchronous): If you have reached your called party, GREAT! That’s immediate. It’s also good for leaving messages that don’t need an immediate answer. If you need immediate action, try to reach another person. The telephone is only synchronous when you have reached the called party.
  
  
• Voice Mail (asynchronous): Leaving messages that will be returned when the called party decides to do it. (If ever.) Email (asynchronous): Again, one-way communication. Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Use your manners. Remember, one word answers can be perceived as rude.
  
  
• Letters (asynchronous): Still a great way to communicate. But be careful with the written word. Keep in mind how miscommunication might occur. We all have stories of miscommunications that have come back to haunt us.
  
  
• Fax (asynchronous): For those that still use this method of communication, one-pager’s are appreciated. And again, the written words need to be checked and double-checked to be sure it won’t be miscommunicated.
  
  
• Face-to-Face (synchronous): The ultimate method of communication. Immediate reaction, tone, sight, sound, body language.Total “synchronous” communication. And that hug or handshake can make it all worthwhile.
  
  
• Instant Messaging (synchronous): The "new kid" on the block; and becoming more and more common. It can be bolstered at times with a follow up phone call.
  

Bottom line: There are lots of ways to miscommunicate in today’s world. Follow Telephone Doctor’s simple, yet effective guidelines and you’ll be known for understanding and being understood.

Nancy Friedman is president of Telephone Doctor®, an international customer service training company headquartered in St. Louis, Missouri, specializing in customer service and telephone skills. She is a KEYNOTE speaker at association conferences and corporate gatherings and is the author of four best selling books. Call 314-291-1012 for more information or visit the website at www.telephonedoctor.com.

Published in Networking Today, May 2006.

Strong Arm Sales Stop Success Cold

By Susan A. Friedmann, CSP

It happens more often than you’d ever guess – in fact, it might be happening at the booth right next to yours. Recent surveys of trade show attendees show that the most dissatisfied attendees are those who purchase something that they really didn’t want. Needless to say, these attendees don’t have a high opinion of those companies that “strong-armed” them, and report that they’ll be unlikely to do business with them again.

How can this happen? What possible way is there to force attendees into purchasing something unwillingly?

Not all the “people pleasers” at a trade show are booth staff. Some are walking the aisle, as attendees. When these types run into an overly-forward, persistent salesperson, they can be bullied into a purchase. That’s not the way you want to do business.

Instead, train your team to have a needs-focused approach. By engaging attendees in conversation, questioning and listening more than talking, and truly focusing on solving the attendee’s problems, you are far more likely to make a sale the attendee is satisfied with.

Key to this is five questions, the Familiar Five that should be part of every sales conversation:

What: What exactly do the attendees need? Do they have problems with their existing suppliers? Are they trying to make-do with a product that doesn’t exactly fit their needs? Perhaps the product works perfectly, but it’s too expensive. You need this answer before you can move on to any other questions.

Why: Why would your company be the best suited to meet the attendees’ needs? If they mention constant technical difficulty, do you offer 24 hour support? If they need a size three widget, does your company manufacturer size three widgets?

Who: Relationships are key to business. At the same time, our mobile society means that rapid staff turnover is a fact of life. Two companies may have had – or come near – a business relationship previously, only to have things not work out. Yet this fact could be completely unknown to your booth staff. Arm your team with some corporate history, along with selling points that illustrate how things have changed in the interim.

When: When your team says something, attendees want to know they can count on that as fact. Clients want to know you have a track record and that you'll maintain it when they remain with you. Feel free to use concrete examples: Even though we’re consistently introducing new and innovative models, we still provide parts, service, and support to every model we’ve ever made – all the way back to day one.

How: How your company conducts itself is becoming a much more important factor to many of today’s decision makers. Consumers want to avoid being tainted by association with any scandal-ridden firms. If an attendee brings up a current negative newsmaker, avoid the temptation to “dish.” Instead, answer with a comment that shows your company’s strength and leadership. “We know that those types of things happen in our industry, but we’ve found the better route is the straight and narrow. That way we can stay focused on our customer and their needs.”

Now, admittedly, it can be difficult to fit all of this into the thirty seconds you have with the average attendee. The temptation is to talk faster, attempting to cram in as much information as you can. But don’t. Your job is to get them talking – and once an attendee starts talking, they are far more likely to spend some additional time at your exhibit. Body language also plays a role in how your sales team is perceived.

Here are five key things to remember:

1. Keep Your Distance:Crowding can be intimidating, especially if the staff is of large stature and the attendee is smaller. A good rule of thumb is to keep at least one arm’s length between the two of you.
   
   
2. Keep Your Arms Down:Some staffers, especially the flamboyant, dramatic types, have a tendency to talk with their hands. This works fine in a social situation, but can be unnerving or distracting when you’re trying to do business.
   
   
3. Keep Things Open: Very skittish or shy types may subconsciously feel “trapped” if you position yourself between them and the way out of your exhibit. You don’t have to be an Old West Cowboy with this – there’s no need to always stand with your back to the wall – but be aware of spatial issues and attempt to keep things open and comfortable.
   
   
4. Keep An Eye: On the way the conversation is going. If you have the slightest suspicion that an attendee is uncomfortable, or just doesn’t like you, hand them off to another staffer. Sometimes personalities just don’t click, and it’s better to step out gracefully than attempt to blunder through the encounter.
   
   
5. Keep An Ear: Open for what the attendee is saying. People can tell when you’re really listening and when you’re going through the motions. A million subtle physical cues give it away. Don’t try to “phone in” your interest. Pay attention!
   

Go over these items with your team before the show. When your team is skilled, they won’t need strong arm tactics – which will make everybody happy!

Susan A. Friedmann,CSP, is The Tradeshow Coach, Lake Placid, NY, author: “Meeting & Event Planning for Dummies,” working with companies to improve their meeting and event success through coaching, consulting and training. For a free copy of “10 Common Mistakes Exhibitors Make”, email: article4@thetradeshowcoach.com; Web site: www.thetradeshowcoach.com

Published in Networking Today, May 2006.

Why Stage a Home for Sale in a Hot Market?

By Catherine E. Brown

For most people, selling a home is an emotional experience, so it’s difficult for sellers to have enough objectivity to prepare their home for potential buyers.

The old adage that “you only get one chance to make a great first impression” is imperative when selling a home. Most buyers make a decision within five to ten seconds of walking through the door; if they stay they will spend the rest of their tour confirming their decision.

Statistics shows that if a house doesn’t sell within the first few weeks (peak period of interest), people think something is wrong with it – and the listing becomes stale. A properly Staged house can command top dollar, yet many sellers put their home on the market the way they live in it – as is. In fact, some people put more effort into selling their car than selling their home.

Accredited Home Staging is not about hiding flaws or deceiving buyers; it’s about merchandising and presentation – to create a great first impression. Buyers remember dated, scuffed, or unusual wall coverings…and continue to look for a house with fresh décor. And if the seller invests in fresh paint, but doesn’t make the best colour choice – he could be creating a worse effect.

If a property does not visually appeal to an agent, she may pass on the listing in favour of a house she believes will sell quickly, or she may use it as a comparison to a house that has been Staged and shows well.

Often, realtors are uncomfortable discussing cleanliness, odours, or outdated décor with new clients who have been referred by friends, relatives, and former clients. An Accredited Home Stager can help realtors tactfully explain how to best present their properties without jeopardizing the listings.

Buying a house can be exhausting. There are many options and buyers have to be prepared to move quickly in the current market. Most buyers don’t want to take on renovations or painting as their energy and resources are already tapped.
Staging is not decorating. It is not an insult to the seller’s personal decorating taste or style. Staging is about appealing to the greatest number of buyers and selling the house quickly, for top dollar, regardless of the economy.

Catherine E. Brown is an Accredited Staging Professional and owner of Staged to Move. Catherine is committed to helping clients sell their home for the best price in the least amount of time. She can be contacted at (519) 868-7171 or by email at catherine@stagedtomove.ca. Visit her Web site at www.stagedtomove.ca.

Published in Networking Today, May 2006.

Listening Is Not the Same as Waiting for Your Turn to Speak

By Karen Susman

When you ask a question, do you listen for the answer before you consider your response? Many times, we use the time our partner takes to respond to plan our rebuttal.

Recently, I experienced not listening being taken to the next level. Sitting around a friendly table of strangers, questions were being asked back and forth in an effort to get to know each other better.

One woman, let's call her Responsa Prematura, Responsa for short, thinks of herself as a great conversationalist who is interested in others. Responsa asked several good questions of those around her. Then, without waiting for a reply, she offered her own answers. It went something like this. "Joe, what kind of books do you like to read? Mysteries?" "Blanche, what's your favorite ethnic cuisine? Chinese?" "Stanley, how would you travel to Peru? By raft?" You get the idea.

It seems so simple to suggest that when you ask a question, you make eye contact, pause, lean in and wait for the questioned to consider your inquiry and offer an appropriate answer. Notice that this rarely happens. Here are a few effective listening tips to make you a truly great and appreciated conversationalist:

• Find an area of interest for you when someone speaks. If a nuclear physicist is telling you about her work, listen for how this content affects your personal world.
  
• Judge content, not delivery. If you grew up with grammar police who wrapped you on the knuckles if your participles dangled, you may not hear the message of someone who speaks with poor grammar, a thick accent, or distracting gestures. Do your best to listen for meaning and content.
  
• Delay evaluation. If someone asks you what you think of an idea or person, you can always say you want to think about it. Many people evaluate a statement before the speaker has even concluded it.
  
• Be flexible. Do try to consider the other person's perspective. What would a homeless person think about the number of shelters in your city? What would a landlord think about the same issue?
  
• Shut out distractions. Cell phones OFF, please.
  
• Exercise your mind. Read extensively. Listen to discussions based on views that aren't yours. Travel. Ask questions. Stay current. If you hear yourself saying, "When I was your age," keep it to yourself.
  
• Stop talking. Ponder instead.
  

We all want to be listened to. Your intent listening is one of the biggest compliments you can pay another person. It's life affirming.

Karen Susman is a Speaker, Trainer, Coach, and Author of 102 Top Dog Networking Secrets. Karen works with organizations that want to maximize performance. Programs include Humour at Work; Balance In Life; Networking Skills; Presentation Skills; and Building Community Involvement. Order new guidebooks on humour, networking, time management, and community involvement by calling 1-888-678-8818 or e-mail Karen@KarenSusman.com.. www.KarenSusman.com. Published in Networking Today, May, 2006

Questions to Ask at a Meeting that Includes a Meal

By Maria Marsala

You may not believe this, but I'm an introvert. And I know that it's not easy being an introvert and a successful business owner, too.

Being known locally, even if you have a virtual business, is something every business owner must do to build credibility and a stellar reputation. Even the Internet Guru's attend networking meetings and speak to groups as a way to market their online business.

Attending a meeting of an organization or association may mean three types of networking opportunities – pretty overwhelming and nerve racking for an introvert who is not prepared.

• There might be networking time before the meeting and usually that's the time to get to know about someone's business.
  
  
• Then there is sit down time; where most likely "someone" will be in charge of making sure that everyone does a roundtable introduction (your elevator speech in two minutes maximum) as your cards are passed around the table.
  
  
• The socializing part with people who are sitting next to you.
  

Below are questions you can ask, as you sit at a table specifically to eat and wait to hear a speaker. These questions are more personal than the questions we'd ask in a situation that is more about networking. So often, we forget to ask more personal questions of people. And we lose the opportunity to connect with them on a deeper, more personal level – a level that's not about "the sale."

1. Where do you live? How long have you lived there?
   
   
2. Tell me about yourself.
   
   
3. How did you find out about this meeting?
   
   
4. What did you do before you started your business?
   
   
5. What other meetings or groups do you attend during the month? Has attending them helped your business?
   
   
6. What sort of things do you do in your personal time?
   
   
7. Where do you volunteer?
   
   
8. What's the most important thing you've achieved in your life?
   
   
9. What goals are you reaching for personally?
   
   
10. Do I have your permission to send you a complimentary copy of my online newsletter? (If he freely gives your his business card.)
    
    
11. Would you like to meet for a cup of coffee? If you suggest a meeting, then it's your responsibility to pay for the coffee or meal you suggested. You both may decide differently at the event; but you've taken the lead and that's proper business etiquette.
    

©2006 A former Wall Street trader, Maria Marsala is a nationally known author, strategist, trainer, and owner of Elevating Your Business. Maria helps with financial, technology, and other independent service-related businesses accelerate profits and improve productivity – faster. Learn more now at www.CoachMaria.com. Published in Networking Today, May, 2006

Say Good-bye to Toxins

By Mary-Anne M. MacPherson

Detoxing your way to health…as simple as 1, 2, 3.

In today’s hectic dine-and-dash world of burgers, fries, and other trans foods, it seems what’s paramount is what’s pleasing to the palate. But beware; over time, fast food can and will take its toll.

Plus, chemicals enter the body through the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat, and the surfaces with which we come in contact through our skin. The average Canadian gulps down five to six pounds of hidden chemicals annually, chemicals that are known to interfere with thyroid function or damage the liver, adrenals, and pancreas.

The performance of the body may also be hampered by a lack of specific nutrients. There is a way to restore and replenish bodily functions marginalized by poor diets and the onslaught of toxins caused by daily living. It’s called detoxification, giving your digestive system a needed break from eating the Standard American Diet (S.A.D.). This kind of cleansing process flushes away poisonous toxins that accumulate over time by promoting an increase in energy, better memory function, and weight normalization. People have also reported a reduction in their disease and elimination of pain.

Experts suggest detoxing every calendar season to keep the body in optimal health. Why? According to master herbalist, Louise Tenney, it cleanses the intestinal track and internal sewage system, which is responsible for more than 90% of diseases. As old plaque is removed from the intestinal wall, nutrients are then absorbed more effectively into your system, bringing about a greater level of health and vitality. Detoxing cleanses organs, cells, and the blood stream, and has a positive affect on well being in general. But before beginning this type of program, it is important to re-stock your kitchen and mentally prepare for success.

The process can last as little as one week or as long as two months. Many notice a difference in as soon as three weeks; some have reported feeling an energy surge in as little as seven days. Steps to detoxing for health:

STEP 1: CUT THE CRAP

Carbonation and Caffeine
Refined Foods
Alcohol & Aspartame
Processed Foods

STEP 2: EAT LIKE THE HEALTH PRO’S

Protein in the way of organic lean meats, poultry, fish, nuts, and seeds
Raw fruits and vegetables
Oils rich in Omega 3 and 6 Essential Fatty Acids
Starches in the form of nutrient-rich brown rice, millet, and quinoa

STEP 3: FLUSH THE TOXINS

Toxins (poisons) need to be expelled from the body. They are carried away through urine, feces, breath, and skin pores. There are two methods for flushing toxins. The first is exercise, which cleans out the lymph system (small storage tanks located in strategic areas of the body that hold toxins until they are naturally pumped out). The second method is as simple as drinking water, which helps flush poisons from the body.

STEP 4: PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

There are a couple of extra things to keep in mind in order to do an efficient detox. It is important to be faithful to a quality vitamin and mineral supplement that adheres to the Good Manufacturing Practices (GMP) of a pharmaceutical-grade product. Also, ensure that its potency is guaranteed.

The Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA) recently reversed a long-standing anti-vitamin stance by publishing two scientific review articles recommending multivitamin supplements for all adults. Research indicates that we are no longer receiving enough nutrients from the foods we eat.

Stay positive. This upbeat attitude goes a long way in making people feel happier and more balanced, whether focussed on health, career, relationships, and/or financial wealth. This is a great step to incorporate and use in every life as a tool in creating infinite success.

The final step is to get plenty of sleep (eight hours each night is optimal). The body heals while resting, whether the goal is to wake up refreshed, remove disease from the body, keep the immune system strong, and/or to assist in the detoxifying process. Meditation counts as rest, and is proven to be one of the best tools to integrate into a health program for lifelong success.

Mary-Anne M. MacPherson, R.N.C.P., is a health and empowerment coach and owner of Creating Infinite Success. 519-668-3037 or email mary-anne@creatinginfinitesuccess.com.

]Published in Networking Today, May 2006.

Two Unexpected Zen Masters

By Andrew Sobel

I recently returned from a two-week trip to Japan where I had some truly remarkable experiences, including unexpected meetings with two Zen masters. These encounters underscored for me a number of principles that are important not just to build client relationships but also to achieve professional fulfillment.

The story begins in Kyoto, a delightful city which was the capital of Japan before Tokyo. Kyoto was the center of the development of Japanese Zen and other Buddhist sects, and boasts what are probably the most beautiful Zen temples and gardens in the world.

On our second day in Kyoto, we toured with Masa Fujiwara, a Japanese guide with Esprit Travel who lives full-time in Kyoto. Masa is an architect and an expert on Kyoto's history and culture. He took us to see the Daitokuji temple complex, which was and still is a Rinzai Zen monastery. The serenity and beauty of the temples and gardens was palpable.

As we admired the garden of the Zuiho-In temple, Masa greeted one of the monks. It turns out he was Mr. Maeda, a Roshi (a senior teacher) who is the head of the temple and a well-known Zen master. Masa introduced Maeda Roshi to me, my wife, Mary Jane, and my fifteen-year-old daughter, Emma. After being told we were from New Mexico, he smiled and invited us, spontaneously, to have tea in the temple's tea room. We had no idea at the time that this was a rare privilege indeed, which you would normally have to schedule an audience months in advance – if it would be granted at all. We also didn't know that Maeda Roshi is a master of the Japanese tea ceremony!

We were led into a formal tea room, with a small charcoal fire pit in the center for boiling the tea water. Maeda Roshi, attired in traditional monk's robes, had a jolly, disarming demeanor that surprised me. I imagined a man of his position and rank would be a stern, ascetic, unsmiling Zen priest who would scowl at our unenlightened ways. Instead, Maeda Roshi made us all immediately feel completely at ease in this strange and unfamiliar setting.

With Masa translating, the Roshi taught us how to sit, Zen-style, folding a small pillow in two under our seats. Over the next 45 minutes, he slowly prepared tea for us, while sharing a steady stream of seemingly impromptu reflections on life. He spoke directly to my daughter, a tall, willowy blonde who is 5'11" and was feeling a bit out of place in Japan. "You have a very beautiful face," he told her. "Now, your face is the face of your mother and father, but when you reach 20 you will develop your own face." My young daughter was treated throughout the session as if she were, in some ways, the most important person in the group.

Maeda-san went on, talking about the importance of breathing. "Air is free," he said, "breathe it deeply because it opens your heart." My wife asked him, "What would the first step be?" And he replied, "Just try breathing deeply for five minutes each morning. And arrange one flower in a glass. Just one, each day."

I asked him about his students, and his role as a teacher of Zen. He said, "I'm not so focused on what I say to them or lectures I might give. I basically try to set an example through my own practice and my own attitude." At the end, he turned to my daughter and said, "You are young, but like everyone, your body will age. There's nothing we can do about our bodies getting older. But we can affect our heart and make it more open. There is no limit to opening up our heart to others."

After serving us Matcha tea (concentrated, powdered green tea that is mixed with boiling water), the Roshi indicated he had to go. It was the first perceptible sign that there was anything else at all going on in his day besides having tea with us. He had given us his undivided attention. For 45 unhurried minutes we had been the only people in his world.

When my daughter tried to stand up, she discovered her leg had fallen completely asleep. She tried, in vain, to hobble out with us. She was embarrassed, but the Roshi told her, sympathetically, that it had happened to him many times. And then he laughed long and hard, with her, not at her, and a smile burst onto her face.

We left the tea room and said goodbye. "That was very special, even for me," Masa said to us. "The Roshi is 65, and he has been a monk here since he was 16. This was a rare moment." But we knew that already.

The very next day we visited another master, Sakurai-sensei of the Saisho-in Zen temple. This was arranged by Steve Beimel, the founder of Esprit Travel, who now lives in Kyoto (Esprit is a great resource for Japan).

Sakurai-sensei, in addition to being the abbot at his temple, is one of the three top Noh mask carvers in Japan. Noh is an ancient Japanese performance theater which dates from the 14th century. In Noh, the actors play out various dramas while wearing sometimes-impassive wooden masks. Through their acting, they bring great emotion to the characters and even to their mask-covered faces. Each mask is a work of art. After it is carved, Sakurai-sensei applies 100 coats of a white paint made from Oyster shells.

After he applies each coat, he is able to better see the tiny imperfections in the surface of the wood, which is then re-carved. Sanding is only done after the last three or four coats. The finished product has an unimaginably fine, unblemished sheen to it. Sakurai-sensei has been carving Noh masks for over 50 years, and I was really struck by what he told us at the end of our conversation: "Each time, I try to make a mask that is a little closer to the ideal. But I haven't yet carved the perfect mask. I suppose that if that ever happens in my lifetime, I'll just...well, give it all up! But I doubt I'll ever get to that point." And this coming from nationally-renowned master of his craft.

These experiences reinforced for me some principles that are perhaps common sense but which we often neglect:

1. Make your client feel like the center of the universe. When you are with a client, be totally in the moment with that client. Act as though you have no other clients and no other obligations that day. For ten minutes or an hour, make your client feel like the center of your universe. It's a powerful feeling for someone to experience.
   
   
2. Treat even the most seemingly insignificant players in your relationships with respect and interest. After our session with Maeda Roshi, my daughter told me that it had been one of the "two coolest experiences" of her life. No small wonder: She felt an integral part of the encounter. To give another example: The founder of the Rothschild banking dynasty, Mayer Rothschild, always advised his five children to treat even the lowliest clerk "as if the whole depended entirely on him, though perhaps he knew he had but the smallest possible influence in the business."
   
   
3. Suggest small, manageable steps to your clients. I had expected Maeda Roshi to tell us we had to start meditating for an hour each day and immediately engage in a deep study of Zen in order to become more enlightened. He surprised me by suggesting a small step: "Try breathing deeply for five minutes each morning." He didn't even tell us to "meditate." Just to breath deeply for a few minutes. Now that is something quite feasible for most of us!
   
   
4. Make your clients feel smart, not stupid. Sometimes we are so expert in our fields that it's easy to criticize and point out how our clients are not following accepted or best practice. When my daughter's leg fell asleep at the tea ceremony, she felt embarrassed. The Roshi made her feel completely normal by laughing loudly and telling her the same thing had happened to him-to a Zen master who taught meditation around the world! The last time I checked, no one likes to feel stupid!
   
   
5. Never stop pushing. Almost all of the great trusted advisors I have interviewed or studied push their limits. Like Sakurai-sensei, the master carver, they aim for an ideal-for perfection, really, in their work--and they plug away at it every day, improving slowly, but never feeling smug because they have "arrived." This quest for continuous improvement-the student mindset-is something ingrained in Japanese culture. I've studied Japanese martial arts (Shotokan karate and Okinawin weapons) for ten years, and when you get your black belt, it's really just the beginning of your learning journey).
   
   
6. Walk your own talk. The two masters I met role model their teachings in a big way, and this makes them powerful teachers. In contrast, I have met many professionals who talk about humility but are themselves self-absorbed and arrogant; who preach the value of long term relationships but maximize their individual transactions; who constantly name-drop to reinforce their own authority; and so on. When you are clearly living the principles that you teach, people listen.
   

Andrew Sobel is the leading authority on client relationships and the skills and strategies required to earn enduring client and customer loyalty. He is coauthor of Clients for Life: How Great Professionals Development Breakthrough Relationships (Simon & Schuster). He can be reached at (505) 982-0211 or by e-mail at andrew@andrewsobel.com www.andrewsobel.com Published in Networking Today, May 2006.