Follow these tips to establish a successful mentoring relationship
By Larry Ambrose
So you’ve decided to become a mentor. You are about to embark on a truly rewarding experience that benefits you, your protégé, and your organization. Having made the big decision to seek a mentoring relationship, you are probably wondering what to do next. Knowing the right steps to take early on can get your mentoring relationship moving in the appropriate direction.
With that in mind, here are a few tips for getting started.
Understand the difference between mentoring and managing
Understanding what’s involved in your role as a mentor – and how it differs from your role as a manager – is key to providing your protégé with a meaningful mentoring experience. Your role as a manager and as a mentor may seem similar. In both roles you serve as a combination of coach, confidant, and sounding board to someone. However, as a mentor, you have to be prepared to take on a broader, more personal relationship than the one you have established with your employees. The main difference between managing and mentoring is a matter of intensity and direction. Managers are concerned with their employees’ performance, making sure they complete tasks accurately, on time, and within budget. Mentors are concerned with far more than a performance orientation. As a mentor, your purpose is to provide your protégé with perspective and questions that encourage learning and to challenge the individual to think in new and creative ways. And unlike the relationship between a manager and employee, the relationship between a mentor and protégé extends beyond the typical workday or a traditional workplace role.
Know what you can offer
Before you begin as a mentor, you’ll need to clarify what type of mentoring relationship interests you. For example, you may be interested in mentoring someone who is new to the field. Or maybe you would like to help an employee in your organization who shows great promise as a leader but could use a little guidance. Understanding what you have to offer as a mentor will help you decide the type of mentoring relationship you want. Do you have special knowledge and skills specific to your job? If so, you may want to consider mentoring someone who is on the same career track as you. Think about the things you know and how you learned them. One of your biggest roles as a mentor is to bring added value by sharing significant lessons learned from personal experience.
Select a protégé
Once you’ve decided what type of person you would like to mentor and what you have to offer, you can begin the selection process. The best protégés are individuals who are excited about learning and leading their own development. When choosing a protégé, look for someone who catches your attention – someone who shows interest, energy, and capability. If you haven’t noticed anyone with such attributes, ask your colleagues. Your human resources or training and development department may know of people within your organization who have expressed interest in becoming protégés. You can also ask fellow managers if they have any staff members who have expressed interest in working with a mentor. Your organization may even have a mentoring program that can pair you with a protégé based on your skills and knowledge and your protégé’s goals. Of course you don’t have to mentor someone within your organization. Attending meetings and events hosted by your professional association is an excellent way to meet a potential protégé.
You may be in a situation where an individual has approached you for mentoring guidance. If that is the case, you’ll want to have a conversation with that person about his or her accomplishments, commitment, and goals. You will also want to share what mentoring means to you and find out what the individual perceives it to mean. This approach can help you agree on what you both want to accomplish.
Make an offer
Once you’ve found someone you are interested in mentoring, you’ll need to approach that individual with an offer. Let the potential protégé know what you have noticed in him or her and that you would like to offer your mentoring assistance. Be clear that you are not suggesting a deficiency on the part of the potential protégé – but hope to offer added value. Don’t be surprised by the reaction. The individual may feel honoured and privileged that you offered; or defensive and skeptical, wondering what your ulterior motives are. Taking part in a mentoring relationship is a big decision for anyone, so give your potential protégé plenty of time to think it over. Make yourself available to answer questions he or she will undoubtedly have about you and what you have to offer.
When you both have agreed to go forth with the mentoring relationship, the pair of you will want to talk to your protégé’s manager. After all, the manager is the one who has the functional responsibility for your new protégé’s performance and development. Let the manager know what role you wish to play in your protégé’s development and ask for some guidance and support.
Prepare for the first meeting
One of the objectives of your first meeting should be to establish goals for the mentoring relationship. Before your first formal meeting, ask your protégé to come prepared with answers to questions such as: What do you expect from a mentor? What are your development goals for the year? Where do you see yourself in three years? As a mentor, you should be prepared to share your expectations and goals as well. A discussion about what you both expect to accomplish and gain will give your relationship direction.
Also during the first meeting, decide on how often you will meet and whether you will communicate in person or via e-mail or telephone. Make sure you emphasize that scheduled meetings need not be the only time you communicate with each other. Let your protégé know that you are accessible to hear questions, thoughts, and concerns at any reasonable time. Before your meeting is over, decide on when you will meet next. Your first two or three meetings should have some sort of structure to them. Pose a question that your protégé should prepare an answer for the next time you meet – this will give you something to structure the meeting around.
Finally, build in a feedback expectation to the relationship so both you and the protégé can say whether you are getting what you need out of the arrangement. This self-renewal capability can get your relationship back on track if it starts heading in the wrong direction.
Larry Ambrose is a managing partner at Perrone-Ambrose Associates, Inc., an organizational development consulting firm that helps organizations create mentoring cultures. He is author of the book A Mentor’s Companion. Mr. Ambrose can be contacted by e-mail at lambrose@perrone-ambrose.com. http://www.perrone-ambrose.com/ Reprinted by permission of the American College of Healthcare Executives Magazine
Published in Networking Today, December 2001.
